The following list of regrets, which has been posted on The Manchester Guardian site and on a
lot of other sites, prompted me to think of my life as a writer and to answer
the last question on the blog, which is:
What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to
achieve or change before you die?
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the
life others expected of me.
"This
was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is
almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have
gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and
had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."
RH: I’ve been a
good student, a good teacher, a good husband and father, and a good writer, but
I haven’t been a very responsible citizen. On the one hand, I’m sorry about
that; on the other hand, I found my vocation as a writer and one I’d found it,
I stuck to it and did what I wanted to do. No regrets there.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"This
came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth
and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most
were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been
breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of
their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."
RH: I’m not at all
sorry I worked so hard, and that’s probably because both teaching and writing
are vocations, not jobs.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many
people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a
result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were
truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness
and resentment they carried as a result."
RH: Not a problem. As a writer I
spend most of my time expressing my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often
they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying
weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so
caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over
the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time
and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are
dying."
RH: I do regret
that I’ve let my writing get in the way of nurturing old friendships. No excuse
for that. I’m trying to remedy that now. I used to think that if you wrote a
letter a day you’d get a letter a day, but I couldn’t manage to write a letter
a day. And now it’s all electronic mail, though I did send two handwritten
letters this year, and I received two handwritten letters in return.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This
is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness
is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called
'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their
physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their
selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly
and have silliness in their life again."
RH: I’ve been
pretty consistently happy over the years, but I’d be a little happier now if I
didn’t feel a lot of pressure to spend time trying to “manage my
career.” O well.